Gender Norms: I Can Do What A Man Can?

One of the aspects of life in Kazakhstan I always struggled with was the rigid gender norms that govern the society. Women and men had very defined roles in daily life and were often penalized if they deviated from these roles.

I always assumed that my students in Kazakhstan thought I wasn’t a very good девушка (lady) when I first arrived. I moved classroom furniture around on my own, I refused offers from men to carry my heavy bags, and I opened doors for men. I travelled by myself and didn’t feel I needed an escort. I tried to shake hands with men and wore glasses and didn’t always layer my face with make up. I only occasionally wore high heels and almost never wore revealing clothing. I didn’t have a boyfriend or husband and didn’t seem to care that I lacked children. More importantly I seemed to think my job was more important than starting a family.

By the time I left Kazakhstan, the gender norms had slowly and silently indoctrinated me. I never expected men to cook, clean, or help with dinner. I started doing all the things for my male friends that a Kazakshtani woman would do. I allowed men to open doors for me and carry my things. I even got mad if a man didn’t offer to help with my heavy bag. I bought a pair of six-inch stiletto heeled boots for the winter and asked my parents to send me contacts so I could wear my glasses less. I started wearing mascara even in the winter when it meant my eyelashes would inevitably freeze every time I walked outside. I bought perfume. None of these things were me. I have always been a pretty easygoing person. I have never worn a lot of make up and never cared about looking feminine. Don’t get me wrong I try to dress professionally and care about my overall appearance, but I don’t want to look like a perfect female.

When I started working at the University of Michigan School of Education I very easily slipped into the role of the silent woman on the staff. I was a little surprised when people introduced me to others at work. I have become accustom to never being acknowledged by males and never being prompted to shake hands with anyone (in Kazakhstan women do not shake hands, with friends we kiss on the cheeks). I have found myself relinquishing my driving privileges when other men are in the car. I even find myself thinking that woman at my work should dress more feminine. I was surprised when I first started working at the number of the women on staff who wear glasses. And why didn’t anyone wear high heels here? What happened to me?

Slowly I have begun to slide back into my previous gender norms. But I have to say I miss Kazakhstan’s gender norms. There is something to say for the women of Kazakhstan. Despite living in a male controlled society, they are proud and strong. Kazakhstani women support their families and work hard every day of their lives, often without the help of a male partner. And while they work hard at home taking care of their families they also manage to always look immaculate and beautiful. They stand by silently while men often take the credit for their accomplishments, and continue to work hard knowing that they will most likely not be rewarded. All of the women that I knew in Kazakhstan were amazing women. And although they have had to put up with an oppressive male governed society, they have managed to create good lives for their children and families. Sometimes I wish that I could be as strong as them.